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Two ways to create better connections at a seated meal

connections at a seated meal
This is NOT the MPI CBS dinner. To protect the guilty, no photos were taken.

How can we create better connections at a seated meal?

I was lucky enough to be at the above-tweeted Meeting Professionals International (MPI) Chapter Business Summit dinner last week. (Boy, can those MPI folks party!) Despite significant brain haze caused by surprise free rounds of José Cuervo (thank you, Araceli Ramos!) and port (anonymous benefactor, thank you!) I noticed two ways to create better connections during our boisterous dinner.

About twenty of us were seated at one long table in the private room at Bob’s Steakhouse in The Dallas Omni. Even if the acoustics had been perfect and your intrepid correspondent was not going deaf, that was far too many to hear the many conversations occurring around and across the entire table.

For a while, I enjoyed myself immensely getting to know my immediate neighbors (hi, Sherrie Hill & Jo-Anne Rockwood!) but connecting reliably with people further away seemed impossible.

Connection improvement number one

Suddenly, Cindy D’Aoust, the MPI COO seated two chairs away from me, clinked her wineglass, got us to quieten down for a moment, and made a simple suggestion. She asked everyone to share about themselves for a few minutes. Each person got to choose who spoke next.

What happened then was delightful. There were a huge variety of responses—informative, unexpected, funny—and we learned a great deal about who was there. There were a lot of interesting people around that table. And we would never have got to know them all without Cindy’s request. As the drinks took effect, latecomers started to join us from other dinners, and they, too, were encouraged to share about themselves (with many showing off a brief dance move—don’t ask).

If you have a larger gathering with diners seated at separate tables, I suggest that this be done at each table. This avoids the attempts at shout-across-the-round conversations that severely frustrate yours truly (and, I suspect, many others).

Connection improvement number two

Later in the evening’s proceedings, Ruud Janssen suggested that the ladies stand and change places so we would all get new conversational partners. Ruud’s normally persuasive manner did not sway us on this occasion. But he immediately reminded me of this other great option for increasing networked conversations that I first encountered at the FRESH dinner at EIBTM 2011. This dinner meeting embodies what Maarten Vanneste calls CLAMP, where the “M” stands for “Mixing”:

M: Mix participants: after each course half the participants (e.g. all the men) change places. Conversation varies and networking is optimal

This is a great way to mix up diners during a meal. It creates a complete set of new conversation partners. I experienced it at the FRESH dinner and it works!

Conclusion

So there you have it: two simple ways to increase the number of connections at a seated meal. Do you have more ideas?

Photo credit: Flickr user tnoc (aka Ruud Janssen!)

A story about turning win-lose into win-win

Turning win-lose into win-win. A black and white photograph of two men playing chess.

Turning win-lose into win-win? Wouldn’t you like to know how to do that? Read on!

Playing win-lose

As a kid I played chess. I was good enough to get on the school team (which included the soon-to-be-grandmaster Ray Keene, chess correspondent of the London Times since 1985) and even placed in the top ten for my age group in the London Chess Championships.

When I started to play I loved the game, but I slowly discovered that playing chess competitively took a huge toll on me. I equated my self-worth with my success at winning which led to severe stress at every school and regional competition.

I felt sure that playing chess was about win-lose. This conviction even spread its poisonous reach into casual games with my kids. I’d teach them the game and then find myself battling not to crush them and their connection with the game. Removing my queen to even the odds still didn’t change the fundamentals of how I played the game.

So I gave up playing chess.

For 25 years.

Last week, Bernie DeKoven told me how I could play chess again.

A week of improv

On turning 61, I gave myself a birthday present and flew to San Francisco for an improv intensive at BATS. For three days I was immersed in learning improv with sixteen other classmates and two wonderful teachers, Barbara Scott & Lisa Rowland. (I subsequently posted on Facebook that those three days were the most fun I ever remember having in my life that didn’t involve sex.) After a day reconnecting with my daughter who had moved to San Francisco nine months earlier, I attended the Applied Improvisation Network’s 2012 World Conference (AIN 2012), plunging into a four-day exploration with 206 collaborators of how improvisation can be applied to facilitation, business, training, learning, spiritual practice, and much more. And there I finally met Bernie DeKoven face-to-face.

Bernie has spent much of his life exploring and championing the power and importance of games and play. In the 1960’s Bernie created the five-volume Interplay Games Catalog containing one thousand games. He went on to create the Games Preserve for the deeper exploration of games, wrote The Well Played Game, and became co-director of the New Games Foundation, designer of the New Games Training, an alternative to competitive sports that now is taught at almost every elementary school in the world.

We had met and connected online when I discovered his Deep Fun website and started retweeting some of his blog posts. Our in-person meeting was everything I had hoped it might be. Bernie combines a childlike wonder and respect for play with deep knowledge and seemingly effortless command of the myriads of ways we can play and connect through the tool of games. Let’s just say, I enjoyed his company.

Bernie held two sessions at AIN 2012; one was an exploration of play, culminating in a glorious game of the “pointless game” Prui, and the other was an interview about his history and involvement in the New Games movement. During the latter, Bernie mentioned chess.

Turning win-lose into win-win in one minute

Chess?! A win-lose game, the very anti-epitome of the New Games movement?! Chess?!

Bernie said: “We used to have a chess board with a game going on it. With a note on the board: ‘White to move.’ Anyone could play a move and update the note.”

And just like that, Bernie shattered my life-long perspective of chess.

One way to turn win-lose into win-win

Anyone could play! Chess wasn’t a two-person game anymore! Anyone could play!

When we open up a two-person game to multiple players who can take any side, the concept of win-lose disappears.

Another way of turning win-lose into win-win

And then Bernie added: “We also had this idea for rotating chess boards. If one side was ‘winning’ either player could rotate the board to swap the side you were playing.”

Wow! Chess could stay a two-player game, and yet—with one small change—not be win-lose anymore.

When we allow “sides” to be flipped at will, a win-lose game turns into something else.

Thank you, Bernie!

With a few sentences, Bernie helped me realize I could play chess again. Chess will no longer be a sink-or-swim experience for me. I can have fun with it!

I like having my beliefs flipped like that. Thank you, Bernie!

What win-lose mindsets do you have? Could you flip them too?

Photo attribution: Flickr user government_press_office

Moving attendees from no where to now here

an illustration of a rainbow parachute dangling the words:
Nowhere.
Now hereFrom attending to attention

How can we move attendees from nowhere to now here?

These days, when someone decides to attend an event we have organized we should be grateful. We live in a world with a myriad of viable options for spending our time and attention.

To pick our event from all of these possible choices is an honor.

But often we squander the gift of attention we have been given. In return, we offer a passive experience of listening to a few people speaking for a long period of time.

This is a mistake.

Our brains and bodies are not equipped to maintain full attention to any speaker for more than a few minutes. The inevitable happens, and people tune out. Their attention on what is being presented becomes fragmented and weak. They are nowhere.

But we can move our attendees from nowhere to now here.

Presence and presents

Yet we know how to increase attention. Here are a few ways:

  • Ban uninterrupted talking by any one person for more than a few minutes.
  • Supply frequent, continual opportunities for every attendee to participate and contribute.
  • Use participant-driven learning formats so that attendees get to learn what they want to learn.
  • Don’t let anyone sit still for more than twenty minutes.

These are presents of presence for the people at our events.

They guide our attendees out of the routine of attending and gift them back into attention.

They move our attendees from nowhere to now here.

This is a powerful gift.

Give this gift at all your events!

Image attribution: ~chassence

Discover what attendees want to talk about with Post It!

what attendees want to talk about: a photograph of a portable cork board covered with flipchart paper containing many different written sticky notes. Photo attribution: Flickr user edmittanceEver wanted a way to find out what attendees want to talk about? Post It! is what you need. It’s a simple technique you can use for:

  • All the attendees at an event.
  • Breakout groups discussing a specialty set of topics.
  • A single conference session.

If you’re a conference presenter with an audience of less than 50 people, you can use Post It! to rapidly discover audience interests and to help decide what those present would like to hear about.

Alternatively, Post It! provides an effective and efficient way for a group to learn and reflect on its members’ interests. If you need to process in more detail the topics uncovered, consider using the affinity grouping technique described in Conferences That Work: Creating Events That People Love (and my upcoming book too).

When

Run Post It! at the opening of an event, breakout group, or a single session.

Resources

It is surely no surprise that you’ll need one or more sticky notes (e.g. Post-it® brand) for each participant. If you’re using Post It! for a presenter tool at a single session, give each attendee a single 2” x 3” note. For a group display of topics, supply one to four 6” x 8” (preferred size) notes, or 3” x 5” notes if posting space is limited.

Make sure that you have sufficient pens available. Fine-tip marker pens are best.

Finally, you’ll need a clear, accessible wall or noticeboard space to post the notes. Walls should be smooth and clean, as sticky notes don’t adhere well to rough or dirty surfaces. If you’re using Post It! as a presenter tool, the posting area should be close to where you are standing in the room so you can easily refer to it.

How a presenter can use Post It! to learn what attendees want to talk about

Before the session begins, give each participant a single sticky note and a pen. Ask the audience to write down the one topic they would like explored or one question they would like answered during the session. Give everyone a couple of minutes to write their response and collect the notes as they are completed. As you collect the notes, browse their contents and mentally categorize their contents into broad themes. For example, some:

  • attendees ask specific questions;
  • may want an overview of your topic; and
  • may want you to cover one particular aspect.

Once you’ve collected all the notes, briefly read each one out loud and add it to a cluster of similar notes on the wall next to you. You may find a note that is unique and needs to be placed by itself.

Once all the notes are on the wall, it should be clear to both you and your audience what the group is interested in. Don’t feel obliged to cover everything mentioned. Instead, use the notes to make a plan of how you will spend your time with the group. Describe your plan briefly, and apologize for topics that you’re not able to cover in the time available. Even if you don’t cover everything requested, your audience will have the information to understand why you made the choices you did. If you’re going to be available after the session is over, you can invite attendees to meet with you to talk more.

As you continue with your audience-customized session, refer to the note clusters to confirm that you’re covering your plan.

How you can use Post It! to make public the interests and questions of a group

Before the session begins, decide on the number of sticky notes to give to each participant. The number will depend on the size of the group and the length of time available for any resulting sessions. Suggestions for the number of notes are in the table below.

Size of group  Suggested number of notes for each attendee
20 − 30  2 − 4
30 − 50  2 − 3
50 − 100  1 − 2
100+  1

Hand out this number of sticky notes and a pen to each attendee. Ask the audience to write down one or more topics they would like explored or questions they would like answered during the session, one per note. Tell them they do not need to use all their notes. Show where they can post the notes. Ask them, once they have finished, to post their notes on the wall. Give participants a few minutes to write their responses. During the note posting, it’s natural for people to hang around the wall and read what others have written. Let them do this, but ask people to allow late posters to get to the wall.

Once you’ve posted all the notes, provide some time for everyone to take in the topics and questions displayed. You can then use this group sharing as a starting point for Open Space, Fishbowls, Plus/Delta, and other group discussion techniques discussed in my upcoming book.

There’s no excuse for not knowing what attendees want to talk about anymore!

Photo attribution: Flickr user edmittance

How the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator changed my life

Myers-Briggs Type IndicatorNo, this is not a song of praise for the most widely administered “personality assessment tool” (over two million taken every year-get yours now!), the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Rather, it’s a story about how the MBTI helped me understand something important about my life.

I take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

I first took the MBTI in 2002, at the start of Jerry Weinberg’s transformative Problem Solving Leadership Workshop. Having filled out a paper multiple-choice questionnaire, I self-scored it. I ended up with the four letters of my MBTI “type”.

Haven’t taken the test? I should explain that the MBTI looks at eight “personality preferences” organized into four opposite pairs. Everyone who takes the assessment ends up with one of the 16 possible combinations of the four pairs.

But, what is rarely emphasized is that the scores also provide information on the strength of the preference towards one or other opposites of each pair.

An illustration of the MBTI's Four Preferences:
Extraversion versus Introversion
Sensing versus Intuition
Thinking versus Feeling
Judgment versus Perception

In my case, the assessment told me that I was a strong NF (intuitive feeler preference) and weak on the introversion-extroversion and judgment-perception axes. For what it’s worth, I’ve taken the MBTI multiple times since, and these results have stayed consistent, apart from a slight drift from weak introvert to weak extrovert over the years.

One way of looking at the MBTI preferences is to group them into temperament pairs (SJ guardians, SP artisans, NF idealists, and NT rationals). Strong NFs are “catalysts, spokespeople, energizers“, they “persuade people about values and inspirations“, to do their best work they need “personal meaning and congruence with who they are“, they are acknowledged for contributing “something unique or a special vision of possibilities“. [All quotes taken from “Introduction to Type in Organizations“, Krebs Hirsh et al.]

Insights from my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

Learning I was a strong NF gave me an important insight into my career path over the previous thirty years. I started as an elementary particle physicist, gave up academia to form a solar manufacturing business, and then taught computer science and consulted on information technology issues until my mid 50’s. The whole time I felt a need to organize and run conferences around these topics, and I didn’t understand why.

Suddenly the arc of my professional life made sense. I had been continuously moving away from the T-focused (Thinking) work that I was good at. I’d been moving towards the people-oriented/inspirational/consensus-seeking work I strongly preferred. My thirty years of organizing conferences had been about facilitating connections between people. This was a preference of mine that I had always been drawn to but never acknowledged.

Jerry’s workshop started me on a more conscious journey. That journey led to my decision to retire from information technology consulting and write a book about what I had learned about designing, organizing, and facilitating participant-driven conferences.

And here I am.

Why I think the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is useful

Perhaps the most common error made about the MBTI is to think that it’s about ability. If you misinterpret the assessment in this way it becomes limiting. “I can’t do that because I’m not the right type.” When you realize it’s a tool to explore preferences, these limits fall away. I can still use my thinking ability in everything I do. But knowing that my preferences and hence my mission are for NF-type activities helps me understand who I am and what I might want to do in the present and future.

There is a classic MBTI exercise that divides a group into four temperaments. Each temperament group then decides on and shares what their ideal organization would look like. Try it if you ever get the chance! Each group finds it easy to agree internally. Yet each group’s answer is so amusingly and utterly different from the others that it’s hard to maintain that the MBTI doesn’t provide at least some interesting insight into personal preferences.

I’m not a fan of MBTI as a management tool. (Not that I’ve had many opportunities to apply it that way.) But I do think it can provide useful personal insight. It did in my case, at any rate.

Thanks to Johnnie Moore for inspiring this post via his post on MBTI limitations!

INTP Motivational poster by Greg Davis

MBTI pairs image by Jan Dillis

Why, sometimes, how is better than why

how better than why: Illustration of Simon Sinek's Golden Circle. Image attribution: startwithwhy.com

“People don’t buy what you do; people buy why you do it.”—Simon Sinek

In his popular TED Talk, Start With Why, Simon Sinek explains why he believes that knowing why you do what you do is a fundamentally more important question to be able to answer than how you do it or what you do. He says that great leaders are successful because they can infuse their organizations with the why of their existence. Consequently, Simon argues that you need to figure out why your company or organization exists and why that should be meaningful to your customers.

I completely agree with Simon that Why do you do what you do?” is the fundamental question. Another word for this is mission, and once you or your organization has one it guides everything you do.

(My mission, by the way, is: I love to facilitate connections between people.)

So why then, when I start a Conferences That Work event with The Three Questions, is the first question participants answer: “How did I get here?” not “Why am I here?” Why not get down to the nitty-gritty Why? instead of spending time on the less important How?

Why “How”?

My answer? Because “Why?” is one of the hardest questions to answer. It took me around 55 years to arrive at my current mission statement (yes, it could still change). Expecting people who have just arrived at a conference to come up in a few minutes with the why? that drives everything they do, including attending the event, is unrealistic and unfair.

Asking about how participants got here allows answers from the mundane…

“I flew here from Chicago”

…through the informative

“I first came in 2005 because Joe told me I had to come; he was right; I met so many wonderful people and learned so much every year I haven’t missed one since”

…to answers that are, in fact, about mission

“I saw the program and couldn’t think of a better way to meet people who share my passion about creating tech startups that don’t crash and burn.”

In other words, how? is a question that allows participants to safely share about themselves. They reveal something about their past that brought them to the event. And, crucially, answering how? does not preclude the possibility of answering why?

Your big picture how? includes motivation, and ultimately mission. Sometimes, you get to your why? via your how? That’s why, sometimes, how is better than why.

Feel free to share your mission or your personal journey towards one in the comments below!

P.S. Bonus: here’s a two-minute video I made of the start of Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” talk at Meeting Professionals International’s 2011 World Education Conference.

Image attribution: startwithwhy.com

The Mars Rover, cognitive science, and conference design

What can we learn about conference design from cognitive science and the Mars Rover?

cognitive science: A composite image of the Mars Curiosity Rover. Photo attribution: Flickr user tjblackwell.
A cool composite image of the Mars Curiosity Rover

The Mars Rover

I love that the Rover that landed on Mars this month is called Curiosity. It speaks to a fundamental aspect of being human, a drive that makes us build an incredible machine and send it 350 million miles to explore another world. And yet…

“From the perspective of evolution [curiosity] appears to be something of a mystery. We associate evolution with ‘survival-of-the-fittest’ traits that support the essentials of day-to-day survival and reproduction. So why did we evolve to waste so much time? Shouldn’t evolution have selected for a species which was – you know – a bit more focussed?”
Tom Stafford in a recent BBC Future column.

Why are we so curious?

“Why are we so curious?” asks Tom (who’s a professor of psychology and cognitive science at the University of Sheffield by the way, hence the British spelling.) He explains:

“The roots of our peculiar curiosity can be linked to a trait of the human species called neoteny. This is a term from evolutionary theory that means the ‘retention of juvenile characteristics’. It means that as a species we are more child-like than other mammals…Our lifelong curiosity and playfulness is a behavioural characteristic of neoteny…And of course the lifelong capacity to learn is the reason why neoteny has worked so well for our species. Our extended childhood means we can absorb so much more from our environment, including our shared culture. Even in adulthood we can pick up new ways of doing things and new ways of thinking, allowing us to adapt to new circumstances.”

You’re probably thinking: what has this got to do with conference design? Just one more quote from Tom:

“Obviously it would be best if we knew what we needed to know, and just concentrated on that. Fortunately, in a complex world it is impossible to know what might be useful in the future…Evolution made us the ultimate learning machines, and the ultimate learning machines need a healthy dash of curiosity to help us take full advantage of this learning capacity.”

Design curiosity into conference programs

And so we arrive at conference design. Regrettably, far too many conference programs are designed with the assumption that someone, somehow knows what we need to know. Curiosity needed and evoked: not much!

A much better alternative is to create a conference that 1) addresses the issues that participants really want to learn about and 2) uncovers the interesting topics, knowledge, and experience that individual attendees possess that are of value to a significant number of their peers. That’s what well-designed participant-driven and participation-rich events do. Curiosity needed and evoked: lots!

What can we learn from cognitive science about conference design? If we are wired to be curious, let’s stop running conferences that attempt to control our learning. Instead, let’s create conferences that feed our curiosity. Our events will be all the better for it!

Photo attribution: Flickr user tjblackwell. Here’s the full story of this composite image.

Tip: Use a buddy system to welcome conference newbies

welcome conference newbies: photograph of two children buddies playing together. Photo attribution: Flickr user babageik.It’s smart to make first-time conference attendees feel as welcome as possible. Here’s an easy way to welcome conference newbies.

For many years, I’ve organized a buddy system to welcome conference newbies (who typically form about a quarter of the registrations) to the annual edACCESS conference. A month before the event I set up a page on the private edACCESS conference wiki that contains a table of first-time attendees, the name of their organization, and their email address. I send the page link to returning attendees and ask them to pick a first-timer to buddy with. I explain that a buddy’s duties are to:

  • add their name and email information to the table, so we know that the newbie now has a buddy.
  • contact their chosen first-timer before the conference, introduce themselves, and offer to answer any questions they have.
  • offer to meet their first-timer at the beginning of the conference and answer any further questions/be generally helpful as appropriate.

That’s it. These are not onerous duties, and returning edACCESS attendees have been happy to comply. The first-time attendees I’ve spoken to have been happy to be contacted in advance by a returning attendee, and though they usually have few questions, they have been extremely surprised, pleased, and appreciative to have a veteran attendee offer guidance, if needed.

Happy first-timers are much more likely to return. Giving them a pre-conference buddy contact to introduce them to an event and answer any questions is a simple way to make a great first impression. Mom probably told you that first impressions count for a lot. She was right. That’s why this tip works!

Photo attribution: Flickr user babageik

The Power of Participation

The Power of Participation! Take a look at this photo.

A photograph of a conference session using a process from Adrian Segar's book "The Power of Participation". Every single participant is in active conversation with someone!
VT Vision 2012 break

Do you routinely get this level of interaction at your conferences?

If not (and even if you do), you may be interested in my book, The Power of Participation: Creating Conferences That Deliver Learning, Connection, Engagement, and Action, which explains how participation enhances learning, sharing, and connection, and provides presenters and event organizers with a compendium of powerful low/no-tech participatory techniques that can greatly improve any conference session.

Here’s the outline:

One

  • Eliminate Attendees At Your Meetings!
  •  – Get on your feet!
  •  – Meetings are a mess—and how they got that way
  •  – Why participation is so important for today’s meetings
  •  – Active learning
  •  – Connection
  •  – Engagement and community-building
  •  – Action
  •  – Wishes

Two

  • Creating An Environment For Participation
  • – Introduction
  • – Badge design
  • – Meals
  • – The event space
  • – Seating
  • – Information display
  • – Safety
  • – Ground rules
  • – Play and fun
  • – Facilitation
  •  – Small group selection
  •  – Getting attention
  • – Timing
  •  – Asking questions
  • – White space techniques
  • – The conference arc
  • – The conference metaphor
  • – Giving up control

Three

  • Participation techniques overview
  •  – How to use this compendium of techniques
  •  – Techniques glossary
  •  – Techniques table
  •  – Techniques by goal
  •  – Techniques by conference phase
  •  – Techniques by group size
  •  Techniques for encouraging connection outside conference sessions
  • Openers
  •  – The Three Questions
  •  – Roundtable
  •  – Human Spectrograms
  •  – The Solution Room
  •  – Post It!
  • Middles
  •  – Small Group Discussions
  •    – Pair Share
  •    – Guided discussions
  •    – Open Space
  •    – World Café
  •    – Fishbowl
  •    – Affinity Grouping
  •  – Participatory Voting
  •    – Voting considerations
  •    – Hand/Stand Voting
  •    – Roman Voting
  •    – Card Voting
  •    – Table Voting
  •    – Dot Voting
  •    – Anonymous Voting
  •  – Creating Learning Opportunities
  •    – Short Form Presentations
  •    – Case Studies and Simulations
  • Endings – Consolidating learning and moving to outcomes
  •  – Pro Action Café
  •  – Plus/Delta
  •  – Personal Introspective
  •  – Group Spective
  •  – Closing Rituals
  • Resources

Buy it today!

Stop the Generation XYZ baloney!

Stop the Generation XYZ baloney!

Stop the Generation XYZ baloney! Photograph from the famous Apple advertising campaign: "I'm a Mac", "I'm a PC"

Product/service developers and marketers—listen up!

Google “Generation X’ and you’ll get over 300 million results.

I think this way of thinking about people is nonsense. And so does Clay Shirky.

“One of the weakest notions in the entire pop culture canon is that of innate generational difference, the idea that today’s thirty-somethings are members of a class of people called Generation X, while twenty-somethings are part of Generation Y, and that both differ innately from each other and from the baby boomers. The conceptual appeal of these labels is enormous, but the idea’s explanatory value is almost worthless, a kind of astrology for decades instead of months.”
—Clay Shirky, Cognitive Surplus: Creativity and Generosity in a Connected Age

Shirky goes on to say that those who like to dramatize these generational differences are making a fundamental attribution error; mistaking new behavior for some kind of change in human nature rather than a change in opportunity. Much of the “difference” between “generations” is in fact caused by a change in that generation’s environment or circumstances.

Stop the Generation XYZ baloney!

Rather than start with supposed generational differences, dig deeper into the causes for changes in behavior. Instead of marketing driven by statistical analyses of differences in behavior, concentrate on understanding why behaviors have changed. (Or haven’t.)

Then develop your products, services, and marketing around your understanding of relevant human behavior and the changing environment.

Remember, people don’t change that fast. But their environment and circumstances can.

That’s what you should focus on.


P.S. If you haven’t already, read Switch by the Heath brothers for a great practical approach to changing people’s behavior.