—Traci Browne, Facebook post
Like my friend Traci, I receive a constant stream of messages from developers about their new event apps. Naturally, as a frequent commentator on the event industry, I am anxious to throw myself into the tiniest details of these innovative products that are sure to revolutionize every event professional’s life. Clearly they are tools that will:
- Drive sponsors to frantically push bundles of thousand dollar bills under planners’ door-stoops before dawn.
- Guarantee events where gleaming unicorns gambol playfully and attendees glide above the hotel carpet transfixed with delight and wonder.
- Effortlessly create timeless experiences where the A/V works flawlessly, participants’ only complaint is that the Wi-Fi is too fast, and no one ever requests a gluten-free meal.
How can you be certain to bring your app jewels effectively to my rapt attention? Here are 5 simple tips that will ensure your app’s beauty, uniqueness, and—let’s just say it—sheer virility make my heart go pit-a-pat.
- Please make sure to couch your request in anonymous terms. I do not want to believe for a moment that you are interested in my opinions because you know something about me. Mail merge my name from a list of people who write about the event industry. This shows a unique understanding of the personal touch that is so important when doing business these days.
- Demand I set aside 30 – 60 minutes of my worthless time so you can demo your app’s staggering genius. You’ll make my empty day so much brighter!
- Forcefully suggest that I review your app in loving detail on my blog. Yes, you noticed that I’m starved of ideas for posts; help me out here and I’ll be so grateful!
- Point out how splendid it will be for me to spend hours testing every nook and cranny of your masterpiece. I can then enjoy the privilege of reporting back on how to improve it. (Though surely I’m unlikely to find anything to suggest.) I will be so happy knowing there’s a small chance I might make your app slightly better!
- Do not think for a moment of suggesting any recompense for my minor labors on your behalf, like a free trial of a non-free service or <shudder> payment. It is an honor that you even asked me to contribute; recognition is all I need!
That’s it! Piece of cake!
I’m so committed to your apps that, to assist you to the best of my ability, I’ve discovered how to increase the hours in every day to 48 and entirely forgo sleep. So keep those phone calls, emails, and social directives rolling in so I can joyously and promptly respond to your oh-so-reasonable requests! All I’m asking is for you to enrich my life a smidgen.
Is that too much to ask?