In 2023, I published a widely-read post about dealing with (metaphorical) assholes, potholes, and black holes. The advice I gave was about how to best handle personal interactions with assholes. Currently, however, the world has many assholes in positions of power, where they can and are doing tremendous damage to society.
Dealing with powerful assholes (PAs) who are affecting many lives through societal manipulations requires some different approaches.
First, though, here’s a reminder of how to deal with assholes in your personal life:
“The best way to deal with assholes is to avoid them whenever possible. If you can’t, then don’t confront them; they love that. Instead, ignore them. If you have to interact with one, set boundaries on the time you’ll be with them and what you will tolerate. This can be tough, so remember that their assholeness is their problem, not yours.
Remember that assholes are not happy people. Though it’s hard to do, if you can feel compassion for an asshole you’re with, it will help you deal with their behavior better. And it may (don’t count on it) help them be slightly less asshole-like with you.”
—Adrian Segar, Assholes, potholes, and black holes, May, 2023
When dealing with PAs, most of the above advice is still relevant.
Ignore powerful assholes selectively
Ignoring PAs is important when they are trying to get reactions from those they are trying to vilify or rile up. Assholes are cruel, sick people who enjoy seeing others suffer. By not responding emotionally when they spout theatrical nonsense or lies, you avoid buying into their attempts to make you suffer. Yes, this can be hard to do. Reminding yourself that their assholeness is their problem, not yours, can help.
Since his inauguration, the 47th U.S. President [47] — a quintessential PA — has been issuing a torrent of Executive Orders (EOs) that are an archetypal embodiment of PA cruelty. Under such a constant bombardment, it’s hard to remember that many of his EOs are meaningless or illegal. Each EO is designed to elicit a nasty emotional effect on those who are disgusted with this man, but much of what he says has little or no connection with what he does. I am not minimizing the very real damage 47 is inflicting on individuals, the United States, and the world. Rather, I’m saying that we need to tune out the performative cruel statements of PAs and focus on combatting and resisting the very real destruction they cause (see below).
Weaken powerful assholes
Assholes are insecure, mentally ill people. They only feel good about themselves in the moments they experience the world as a place that supports their egocentric, narcissistic, flawed psyches. PAs have more opportunities to shape their experience by attempting to turn the world around them into something that makes them feel OK. Anything that punctures an asshole’s false worldview weakens them. That’s why 47 gets so angry so often—the real world does not dance to his tune, much though his psyche desperately wishes it would.
So, another way to weaken PAs is to laugh at them. Humor is a powerful tool because dictators don’t like jokes. PAs like 47 are bullies. Laughing at a bully gives them the message that their bullying isn’t working. It stresses and weakens them.
Resist powerful assholes collectively
Avoiding, ignoring, and setting boundaries with regular assholes can be effective. Unfortunately, PAs are relatively immune from individual efforts. They react with fury and every resource at their disposal to attack individuals who are brave enough to stand up to them. While I applaud and admire those who speak truth to power, PAs will deal harshly with anyone showing such courage.
So, we need to resist PAs collectively. Doing this can reduce the impact of their angry reactions on individuals. This is classic, though difficult, social organizing work. Use existing communities and build new coalitions around specific threats to resist their damage. Speak truth collectively to power, like in this February 13, 2025 video, where angry voters in Roswell, Georgia, confront their GOP representative about 47 describing himself as a King.
We can and will be successful collectively because, luckily, only about 4% of the population are assholes, and PAs are even rarer. The numbers are overwhelmingly on our side.
Look after ourselves
Finally, we need to look after ourselves. When resisting PAs, we have to walk the fine line between putting energy into mitigating the damage they cause and, staying mindful of our limitations and needs, maintaining our own personal health and boundaries. Everyone’s line is different; find yours and respect others’.
Each of us has the right to live the best life we can. Always remember that, as George Herbert wrote in 1640, “Living well is the best revenge!”
Your thoughts?
Do you have additional advice or comments about dealing with assholes and powerful assholes? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!